What is Parental Alienation?

Parental alienation refers to the phenomenon wherein one parent seeks to induce the child to reject, fear, or evade contact with the other parent.

Parental alienation encompasses the deliberate process by which a parent communicates, whether through words, actions, or behaviours, to the child that the other parent (referred to as the "targeted parent") is dangerous, unsafe, abusive, or "bad." As a consequence, the child becomes fearful or avoidant of the targeted parent.

Concept of Parental Alienation

The concept of "parental alienation" originates from the term "parental alienation syndrome," which was introduced by child psychiatrist Richard Gardner in 1985. Gardner defined it as "a disturbance in which children are obsessed with deprecation and criticism of a parent — denigration that is unjustified and/or exaggerated." This occurs due to one parent's deliberate, subconscious, or unconscious actions that influence the child's perception.

Alienating Behaviours

Various forms of alienating behaviour exist, spanning from denigrating the other parent to interfering with or denying parenting time with the child. In the most severe instances, the alienating parent may fabricate allegations of abuse, inducing the child to withdraw due to fear. Despite the parent's facade of righteousness, this behaviour ultimately stems from self-serving parental misconduct.

It's imperative to recognize that parental alienation syndrome profoundly affects children, leaving emotional scars and presenting enduring challenges that can have irreversible consequences, such as suicide. Therefore, addressing and mitigating these behaviours is essential to safeguarding the well-being and future of the child.

COMBATING PARENTAL ALIENATION

Justified or Unjustified

The concept of parental alienation typically arises in situations where a child's estrangement from one parent is claimed to be unjustified. Fundamentally, there are two categories: justified and unjustified gatekeeping.

Justified gatekeeping occurs when a parent restricts or limits contact between the child and the other parent due to concerns of abuse or harm.
Unjustified gatekeeping, often referred to as parental alienation, occurs when one parent's actions lead the child to develop negative feelings or fear towards the other parent without any valid reason. This behaviour is considered unwarranted as the rejected parent has not engaged in actions that justify such a reaction from the child.

Proving Parental Alienation

Proving alienation in court can be challenging, but it's crucial to begin documenting any noticeable changes in your child's behaviour. Additionally, reach out to individuals who are closely involved with your child's life, such as teachers and coaches, to inquire if they've observed any significant shifts in behaviour.

Their observations can provide valuable testimony. In many cases, establishing alienation may necessitate the expertise of a neutral professional providing an assessment for the court, especially when a parent and/or step parent engages in SUBTERFUGE. Section.211 reports are generally the eyes & ears of the judge.

Engaging in Subterfuge: Deceptive tactics used by one parent to subtly undermine the other parent's relationship with their child. This is the most effective method designed to manipulate the child's perceptions and feelings without obvious evidence of wrongdoing.

It's also advisable to contact child protective services to report your concerns. They will likely not open a case investigation, however your communication with them is documented.

Section 211 Report

A Section 211 report delivers a comprehensive assessment, providing professional insights into the parenting arrangements that best support the well-being of the child(ren). This evaluation considers the child(ren)'s view's & thoroughly assesses the parenting abilities of the adults. Designed to prioritize the best interests of the child(ren), the report serves as a vital tool for decision-makers addressing disputes or clarifications regarding parental roles & responsibilities.

SECTION 211 REPORT TOOLKIT

Mitigating Parental Alienation

Maintain contact with your child as much as possible, focusing on nurturing a positive and loving relationship with your child to foster a sense of security and trust.
Do not engage in a counter attack against the alienating parent, as this can result in further damage to the relationship
It's crucial to communicate openly with the other parent about any concerning behaviours you observe in the child. Collaboratively addressing these issues can help prevent further alienation and promote a healthier environment for the child's well-being.
If parental alienation persists due to co-parenting with a toxic ex-partner or their new spouse who shares the same negative perspective, it may be necessary to explore additional steps. Consider attending parenting classes or therapy sessions aimed at improving communication and resolving conflicts.
There are instances where the other parent may not be aware that their actions are negatively impacting the child's relationship with the targeted parent. However, there's also the risk that such communication could lead to defensiveness or subtle exacerbation of alienation from the alienating parent. If the alienating parent resorts to more covert methods and goes “underground” with their alienation, it could pose challenges in substantiating the issue in court later on.
If the situation remains unresolved, seeking legal intervention through the courts for assistance may be necessary to protect your relationship with your child and address the harmful dynamics present in the co-parenting relationship.

Trust in the Principles of Love & Truth

Parental alienation often occurs in high-conflict divorced families where animosity exists between one or both parents. Early intervention is paramount in suspected cases to prevent further estrangement between the alienating parent and the child. Unfortunately, despite expert intervention and court orders, alienating behaviour can persist, posing significant challenges.

Throughout these trials, it's vital to keep the focus on the children, who bear the brunt of their parents' marital breakdown. When dealing with a toxic, self-centred ex who fears losing their primary source of affection (often because they lack self-love), they may resort to extreme measures to safeguard their perceived lifeline of love, often at the expense of the targeted parent. Such actions are often driven by the need for the child's affection and validation.

Regardless of how toxic your ex may be, resist mirroring their conduct. Instead, focus on self-improvement, acknowledging your imperfections while nurturing love, empathy, and spirituality within yourself. Cultivate emotional intelligence and mindfulness to broaden your perspective and provide unwavering support to your child, irrespective of their current loyalties.

Children eventually grow and discern the falsehoods and manipulations imposed upon them by the so-called "more loving, safer parent." Trust in the principles of love and truth; your steadfastness will be rewarded manifold. Although you may have lost precious time during the tumultuous divorce, have faith that God will grant you a lifetime's worth of connection as your child matures. Approach challenges with dignity and grace, and your child will ultimately find their way back to you.